You don’t need anyone to tell you that divorce rates are on the rise. It is a problem that happens across the United States and around the world many times daily. Sometimes, it starts out as a misunderstanding or a lack of communication and before you know it, a rift has formed. It is always better to try to talk things out, not only to try and make sure that the marriage is salvageable but sometimes, it can also stop you from ending up with egg on your face.
Dear Wife, I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for seven years & I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you’re cheating on me, or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.
Your EX-Husband.
P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!”
THE WIFE’S RESPONSE
“Dear Ex-Husband,
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true you & I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been.
I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice when you got a haircut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us two tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So, take care.
Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem.”